


How to Grieve

by Sherlock1110



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlock1110/pseuds/Sherlock1110
Summary: A kind of fix it fic for the end of s15
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> How Supernatural should have ended!

"Jack!" Dean yelled as the new God walked away. Dean glanced at Sam and then back at Jack. "Jack, wait!" He ran off after him.

"I will not be coming back to Kansas, Dean," Jack replied, holding his hand up.

"I know. I get it. You're a big shot now, but what about Cas?"

"What about him?"

Dean controlled himself from lashing out. "He's dead. You're god. You brought him back from the empty when you were just a nephilem."

"Dean," Sam warned, coming up behind him and dropping a hand on his shoulder, clearly wary. 

"Shut it, Sammy." He turned back to Jack. "Jack, please. I get it, you need to go, but this is Cas. He fought for you! When no one else did. He fought for you!"

Jack stared at Dean for a long moment before turning away, he disappeared in a heartbeat without even the flap of wings. 

"Damn it!" Dean yelled at the sky, shrugging out of Sam's hand on his shoulder. 

"You loved him," Sam said after a solid 5 minutes of the older Winchester staring at a tree. 

"Jack? No-"

"No, you idiot. Cas. You loved him."

Dean turned back to face his brother. "He said it. To me. Before the Empty took him. He said he loved me. He loved me in a way he didn't understand. And I..." He trailed off.

"What is it, Dean?" Sam prompted. 

"I couldn't say it back. I wanted to. I think I was about to. But he shoved me away. Away from him as the Empty took him and he did it to save me!" Dean was almost crying and they were making a scene in the middle of the road. 

"Come on," Sam encouraged, placing his hand on the back of Dean's neck and gently pushing him towards the impala. The worst part was, he knew exactly how Dean felt. Because he'd felt it mere days ago when Eileen had been taken. How could he possibly rush off to find her now with Dean like this? "Keys?" He held his hand out and sighed when Dean didn't protest, just put the keys into his hand and climbed into the passenger side. 

Dean folded his arms across his chest, pulled his collar up and curled into the door.

Sam sighed, turning the key, it was going to be one hell of a drive back to the bunker. He glanced at his brother every few minutes, but Dean didn't move. They'd just won. They had just beaten God himself and neither of them could celebrate that. 

After 4 hours of completely silent driving, Sam pulled into the bunker garage and pulled the impala in to it's usual spot. He had assumed Dean had fallen asleep as he had been so quiet and still but as soon as the car was stationary, the door was open and Dean was heading off into the bunker. 

The younger Winchester watched him go and sighed again, Dean would sulk for hours, the least he could do was check Eileen was back. 

***

Dean stared up at the ceiling of his room whacking the bed beneath him. It didn't seem comfortable anymore. He sat up to thump his pillows and then tried to settle back down again. 

It didn't help. Nothing helped. He swung his legs around on the bed and sat up, grabbing his pillow and launching it at the wall. It didn't make the satisfying thump or shatter that a glass would have done. 

This didn't feel right. At all. They'd won. They'd defeated God himself. All their friends would be back now. All except Cas. It was not a win without Cas there. Sighing heavily, Dean got to his feet and paced to the door. 

He opened the door. "Sam!" He bellowed down the hall. "Sammy!" He tried again after 30 seconds of silence. 

Then the reason why the bunker was so silent hit him in the face. Eileen. She'd be back now. Of course Sam would go to her. It wasn't just the two of them anymore. His brother had someone and he'd never take that away but that made him more lonely and more available to the waves of grief over Cas not winning with them. 

He kicked at the wall and then made his way down the hall. To Cas' room. He didn't really know why he'd insisted on giving the angel a bedroom. It wasn't like Cas had ever used the bed or the sink, he'd never needed to. He caught sight of the angel's phone on the desk and his shoulders slumped. The phone meant nothing now, but he picked it up and put it in his pocket all the same. Then he flopped back on Cas' bed. The mattress was hard, no where near as comfy as his own but it was still better. Being in a room Cas never used still made him feel closer to the missing part of their little trio. Closer. But not close enough, the thought of never seeing Cas again clawed away at him as he lay there. He'd never be free of the grief.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's the real fix it 😁

Dean was pretty sure he'd dozed off at some point, he knew his eyes had shut. And it was an incredibly rude awakening when he jerked alert, someone was on top of him. Or rather on the bed by his feet. He assumed it was Sam and as he wiggled the body fell. Hitting him square on. 

"What the hell-" he half grunted, half moaned at the body now squishing him to the solid mattress beneath. He could feel his ribs vibrating in his chest. 

Wait- 

That wasn't Sam. 

That hair was shorter. And darker. "Cas?" He hoped it was Cas and not Jack, he couldn't think of anyone else with access to the bunker.

Yep. It was Cas, laying on top of him and trying his hardest to get upright. Dean's senses came to him pretty quick and he wrapped his arms around the angel, pinning him to his chest and ignoring his likely shattered chest. An angel had literally just fallen out of the sky to his lap. 

"What the hell, man?" Dean puffed, tucking his face into the crook of Cas' neck, breathing him in. 

"Dean, thank god... Actually, we're passed that now aren't we? Thank Jack." Cas let out a deep breath. "What are you doing in here?"

Dean didn't reply, just squeezed Cas a little tighter, breathing him in, smelling a scent he'd never before associated with the angel. 

"You don't ever. Ever. Ever. Do something like that again. You here me?" Dean said smacking him on the arm on every word. Then he returned to his death grip hug. 

Cas puffed out, trying to push away again, Dean didn't let him. Some part of Dean knew Cas wanted this hug. This contact. Because if he'd really wanted to, getting out of the hunter's grip would have been like swatting a fly. 

"How did you get in here without me hearing the door?" Dean asked nearly half an hour later, Cas had rolled to the bed beside him but Dean hadn't let him stand up. 

"I didn't need to use the door," Cas' voice was soft. 

"What do you mean? And why did you get on the bed?"

Cas leant up on his elbows, looking at him with a smile. "You aren't hearing me, Dean."

The angel smirked as he disappeared, reappearing at the foot of the bed. 

"Wings? You've got your wings back?" Dean sat up. "What? How?"

"More than that. I'm not an ordinary angel anymore. My angel powers were fading, Jack gave them a boost. He had to."

"So?"

"Archangel," Cas supplied zapping back beside him on the bed. He let his head drop to Dean's shoulder. 

"I thought the Empty took you for good." Dean couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe who was actually laying on the bed beside him. 

"Yeah, the Empty is gone now."

"And dead angels and demons, where will they go? Not that I care, you're the only angel I want anything to do with."

"There won't be any. Jack closed Hell. And he'll keep a tight rein on the angels. The way Chuck should have done."

"So we'll never have to see a demon again," Dean let his head thud against the headboard, that was a relief, but Cas was back, he'd take a billion demons for one cool nerd angel. 

"What were you coming in here for anyway?" Dean asked. "And you landed on the bed."

"I was looking for you. I went to your room first. Then Sam's. Then remembered I left my phone in here. And well, the wings take a bit of getting used to again."

"Why did you need your phone? You have wings now."

"You're still hidden from angels. Even me. Where is your brother? He's not in the bunker."

"Sam went out."

"When?"

Dean shrugged. "When we got back. He probably went to check on his girlfriend." 

"Last night?"

"What?"

"Did you get back last night?" 

Dean fought his pocket to pull his phone out and his eyes widened at the time. "Yeah. He must have been gone all night. I didn't realise I'd slept."

He groaned as he sat up and Cas touched his shoulder, his chest instantly felt softer. 

"Thanks."

"My own fault. I imagine it felt a bit like a bulldozer landing on you?"

"Can't say that's actually ever happened to me before," Dean chuckled, he felt so much lighter. Just seeing Cas. "Are you going to stay now? Like properly?"

"What?" 

"Before. You kept taking off. But, well... Last week. What you said-"

"Dean-"

"Cas, I don't care about the rules!" He knew instantly what the angel's argument would be. "I just want you."

The corner of Cas' lips smirked up to one side and reached out a hand, hesitantly. Dean took it and stepped into his personal space. Then he wrapped his arms around him again. 

"I meant what I said, Dean," Cas said in his ear softly, actually hugging back this time. 

"I know. And I love you too," Dean whispered back, finally feeling free.


End file.
